Waking World
by Kelsey
Summary: Kennedy knows so many things. How come that knowledge adds up to so very little useful information?


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Waking World

By

Kelsey

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Disclaimer: Not mine. Belongs to Joss and crowd.

Author's Note: I haven't written Buffy in so long… but for some reason, it's been pulling me back in, lately. And I do like Kennedy a lotshe and Willow don't have the same kind of soul-deep love that Willow and Tara did, but Kennedy loves so _fiercely._ You have to admire her spunk.

Summary: Kennedy knows so many things. How come that knowledge adds up to so very little useful information?

Rating: PG

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Kennedy knows that what she and Willow have isn't exactly soul mate-can't-live-without-you love, at least not yet. She knows a thousand other things, too. But she's frustrated that what she knows all boils down to so little. She's not lacking in intelligenceshe understands and interprets most of Willow's reactions. But Willow is like a math problem lacking one partno matter how much information you compile, there's no solving it until someone gives you the missing piece.

Sometimes, Willow is looking at her with those big doe eyes full of something tender and beautiful, and Kennedy feels like the luckiest person alive. Accompanying that look is often the tender touches that the young Slayer cherishes so much, as well. Soft hands, stroking her flesh without intent to arouse or awaken, just feel. Those are the days Kennedy knows she is loved.

And then there's the complete opposite. Those days when Willow's eyes go hard and her face goes blank and she shuts off. Those days when she shies away from Kennedy's touch, be it a hand on the arm or a full-body hug. Those days are when Kennedy knows she's playing runner up, second-best, whatever you want to call it. A convenient body.

Faith, who has become her best friend since the Hellmouth caved in and the group started to try and pull new lives together for themselves, asks why she puts up with Willow's on-again-off-again affection. But for Kennedy, it isn't a question of why she puts up with it. She puts up with it because she loves Willow, and she knows that Willow loves her back.

And she doesn't leave because she's so dreadfully afraid of making a mistake, and what she's got right now isn't bad, is it?

There's a cliché that Kennedy remembers reading about endlessly in the novels she read for school and fun, when she was younger and had more time. But despite the experiences and imaginations of authors stretching far and wide, she really doesn't know what to do. Everyone in the great novels always knows "in their heart" what they should do, but spends most of the book trying not to. Kennedy _knows _ she doesn't know what to do. She spends too much time trying to figure out which way is up with her new powers to even contemplate throwing away the one solid thing she has right now.

Because, no matter how it is, Willow and Kennedy are solid. Even when Willow turns off around her, they don't fight, because Kennedy is too afraid to bring it up and Willow refuses to. So there are no screaming matches, no storming from the room, just long pauses and awkward silences and a large space in the middle of the bed.

One thing Kennedy does know is the opinion of the others about her relationship with Willow. Buffy thinks that Kennedy is too young and too soon; that this is a rebound fling. Xander thinks that Kennedy's too harsh, too brash and bold for Willow. Faith thinks that Kennedy's too good for Willow. Dawn is still bitter about the young Slayer taking Tara's place.

It goes on and on. Giles is the only one that Kennedy can't get a read on. He keeps his emotions close to the vest, and though he seems like a genuinely warm and caring person with those he considers his familyBuffy, Dawn, Willow, Xander, Anya, and in a weird way, Spikehe is sometimes cold and impersonal with the Potentials. Well, Slayers now, really.

But everyone contemplating Willow and Kennedy has one thing wrongthey all think that one party doesn't truly love the other. Kennedy knows better than thatshe can attest to the ache in her own chest that is her love for Willow, and on those good days, she can see the emotion shining brightly in her lover's eyes. No, Willow does love her, and it isn't just a rebound. Yes, she can handle Kennedy's sometimes-abrasive personalityWillow is tougher than she looks. No, Kennedy isn't too good for her. She's wonderfully lucky to have her.

But all the opinions in the world and really, all the love in the world, won't save their relationship if Willow chooses to drown in Tara's memories. Because Kennedy knows that's where she is on those days that she can't stand Kennedy's touch, can't maintain eye contact with her for more than a few seconds.

And Kennedy's afraid, not just for her relationship with Willow, but for Willow herself, because the witch has already drowned in Tara's memories once, and nobody liked what happened then.

But there's really nothing she can do. She tries to be as alive and vibrant and present as she possibly can, tries to show Willow that there's life out there, and it's possible to enjoy it. In the end, though, it will be Willow's choice.

Kennedy knows Willow loves her. But what she doesn't know is if the witch can stand to confront the loss of her last love each and every day, like she will have to, to go on living in the waking world.

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